Chapter 10 - Pretty Hurts.

Previously - Chapter 9

http://treezahx.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/chapter-9-good-bye-boy.html

Pretty does hurt - it hurt so much that it’s the worst kind of pain after realising...

My pretty was all for you,

My pain was for you,

And my hurt was for you.

So why couldn't you just love the person I became for you?

While I sit and watch my days go by so infatuated by you

But why every time I try to reflect on this pretty hurt situation

You quickly disturb me with...

Sweet talk and soft touch.

I was just a joke to you like that day you had me running from Clapham to Chelsea Bridge that day you said, 

"I gone to jump off T"

My Reply was, 

"Jump... Are you ok nigga?

Must be tripping nigga

Always feeling sorry for you yourself nigga

You a weak nigga, a soft nigga

Acting like you a smart nigga but knowing nothing ass nigga

You a playing ass nigga

Always working but Ain’t doing shit nigga

I have no money - so why you working nigga?

You want me nigga?

Well get your money up nigga…

You want relations, sex and all that shit nigga?

Then stop being a fucking nigga

Grow some balls coz you a pussy nigga

Stop running when it’s hard nigga and being a bitch ass nigga

I hate you kind niggas

Coz you be acting like a king nigga.

When your not… nigga!!!

So jump off Chelsea bridge coz I don’t even care nigga

I just need to find myself a real nigga - for real nigga”

So I ran to Chelsea Bridge for that nigga with my phone on 5% battery life and he weren't even there. Nigga was in a French bar chilling with a French bitch.

Damn this must have been a sweet kinda nightmare

Pleasurable kinda pain

A disputing kinda satisfaction

Something kinda fucked up.

“Nigga – let’s not make this shit messy, can you come home now”

As these chapters of my life carry on you will see how I channel this nigga!!

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_

Instagram: http://instagram.com/treezahh_

  

Chapter 9 - Good Bye Boy!!!

Previously - Chapter 8
http://treezahx.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/chapter-8-games-ion.html

I was lost about a year and six months ago

It was lust that drove my soul right to you – to you the devil.

I couldn't control it...I couldn't even hold myself... I could never stop my heart from beating more blood around for you.

What happened was...
I ran too fast I smashed right into you without reflecting on the situation.

What a lost
You gone miss me now!

It wasn't love that made me give up my heart to you - to you the devil
but I tried something new...something unruly... something so deadly.

I misjudged you – it could of been simple - open our hearts willingly and went with the flow

But no...

You left so many words unspoken but I don't even have questions to be answered any more as I touch 22, I touch a new path to 23 a lucky number of mine so...
Good bye boy

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_

Instagram: http://instagram.com/treezahh_

Chapter 8 - Games-ion

Previously - Chapter 7

http://treezahx.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/chapter-7-reality-for-break-up.html

I love perfection coz perfection leads to satisfaction and when I get that satisfaction along come addiction and hopefully no rejection yes I tell him no rejection coz this addiction I've got for him is like him playing playstation…

But to be honest I've got an irritation… An irritation coz your concentration on breaking my heart is really serious...

I know that you know you’re my medication to calm this addiction that will not lead to obsession coz than their predictions will seem real leading me to take action and that's just a stabbing injection to my heart causing me to break out with an infection called

I HATE LOVE which will never go away…

I am being over the top

Over the top - emotions?

Confusion?

Depression?

Or does it look like I am seeking attention?

But the truth is I am just me searching for a little affection but hey affection comes attention.

And approaching you about the situation just gets my knees knocking together feeling like I’m about to do presentation…

Knowing us two this situation will just turn into a confrontation that I really don’t need to make me feel like I'm in more of a detention and we both know it will just lead to isolation…

I'm the villain and you are the victim but only your imagination…

Get the facts right and stop with the all the silly assumptions and ask the right questions for the right answers…

OK let’s just look at this relation-ship and compare it to the conventions of love.

There is all that foundation stuff that we clearly did not have

There is all that passion-nate stuff that only came with the late night loving

There is all that celebration stuff that shows we have last… Fiction

There is no commitment here so my decision is the find the conclusion to this game we call love that might never end…

But then after my reflection I go back to the start of wanting perfection and satisfaction follow by Addiction then rejection and back to the start.

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_

Instagram: http://instagram.com/treezahh_

Chapter 7 - The Reality for A BREAK UP

Previously - Chapter 6 - IT IS WHAT IT IS

http://treezahx.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/chapter-6-it-is-what-it-is.html

So the reality is... Not every day Adam and Eve spent with each other

But God never made two Eves; he made one for you to have your Cain and Abel with

But in my case you already had a Cain but your Cain is a baby girl, a little baby girl you created in your past with another Eve.

And you had me believe I was the only eve? Your 1st lady, Michelle Obama you were my first black persistent, but could it really be that I am just one out of many 2nd ladies? Miss stress that what you use to call me makes clear sense now.

Did God make a mistake or is the devil a lair, so when God took the rib bone from your side, he never actually put it on my side… did he?

It's obvious she pick the apple of the tree coz never would I make us get kicked out of the Garden of Eden - no problem darling your there and I am here watching you fight with yourself... A survivor is what God made and that way was made for me not for you.

You called me the 1st lady

The only lady while you played my one and only black persistent..

The only Adam that was made for me!

The only king I could ever bow down to and not feel unworthy

The only man that could ever lead me to war coz I am his solider, fighting for his love and only his love could ever be the death of me yes I would fight until my heart stop beating and my blood turn black.

Jesus saved Mary Magdalene, why can no one save me?

After I stood by you when they all tried crucifying you on that cross?

When they hanged you up with shame for everyone to see?

Where was your eve?

Where was your 1st lady yes your Mrs?

Well what a shame... You took a bite out the apple; she picked off the tree then gave it to me?

The devil is a lair and so are you... The devil.

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_

Instagram: http://instagram.com/treezahh_

Chapter 6 - It Is What It Is...

Previously - Chapter 5 - ADAM AND EVE

So after a while I realise the darkness has a way of taking control as I sit in silence while it screams the horrible painful truth at me the horrible painful truth of my past that I quickly shut down because I know THIS IS MY LIFE I've been put to live having no choice but to live it.

I have...

No holds to love

No hands to hold

No sympathy to hand out

Nobody to sympathize with me.

So I sit and think, trying to destroy this girl I've become

So cold and bitterly over time and I am suffering

Because it's the words you didn't say that cut me so deeply.

And the things you didn't do that hurt me so much.

And its the decisions that you made that slaughtered me so completely.

It was your love that I got caught up in.

But it was your love along that was wrong - for me...

So I say

It is what it is

As I fight to destroy this girl I've become

Having no control where I'm trapped and I can't escape out of this hole in my heart

That you have paste with your love.

And it tears me apart as I suffer blinded by your foolish games

So

Now

I show no  attention

I show no emotion

And

I show no love

Because loving you was so cold and bitter, I became cold and bitter.

But this is my life and it is what it is so let me just get back to my REALITY!

Thank You

Theresa.

x

Chapter 5 - Adam & Eve

Previously - Chapter 4 - LITTLE GIRL

The rib bone on his side is the rib bone on my side and on my side he was made for me.

He is my Adam and I am his Eve but you see… he was the one who picked the apple of the tree and gave it to me.

He’s my man, my mighty king and I am the jewel in his crown

And he’s my back bone… strong and tall.

I am his heart beat pumping blood around and around and around I go for him

Coz the rib bone on my side is the rib bone on his side and on his side I was made for him.

Now if he should carry the cross for his own crucifix then I will never lose my faith

And if you should hang him on the cross for everyone to see then I will be right by his feet.

And if you should pierce him on his side for him to bleed I bet that’s even more reason for me to love him and for him to love me?

Coz the rib bone on his side is the rib bone on my side and on my side he was made for me.

And if he should die on the cross I won’t worry a bit

I will just wait three days at that gate for resurrection day.

Coz a good man is hard to find and a hard man is good to find

So only he could ever save me but also be the death of me, a sinner who rises from the death of love.

Coz the rib bone on my side is the rib bone on his side and on his side I was made for him.

He is my Adam and I am his Eve but you see…he was the one who picked the apple of the tree and gave it to me

And now I am being punish for eating that apple from him…

The devil!

Thank You
Theresa.
x

Chapter 4 - Little Girl!

Previously - Chapter 3 - WHY??

Now if I could speak to the younger me and tell this little girl the ugly truth I would but the reality is, she probably wont understand...

“I can relate
relate to the reddish anger in your Big Brown Beautiful eyes that stir into mine and make me smile.

I can relate to all your emotional break downs that breaks me down with you

I can relate to all your secrets that stay here and only here (in my heart) so...
I can relate to your heartbeat

Relate to your heartbreak

And I will relate if your heart heals

I can even relate to those tear drops that rolls out of your eyes on to your cheeks onto my skin.

I can relate to your happy hyper ways!!
Love it or Hate it but in this cast…

I love it

I can relate

Relate to the destroyed girl inside

That eats away enabling me and you to make a change.

And…

I can relate to you attempting to destroy the dying girl deep with in

Relate to that rebellious teen that's hating on life…

Even relate to you not having a choice but to live in this mad world we call home.

I can go on forever but let me say this

Remember your smile little girl

Remember who you are little girl.

And I'm here and not going nowhere little girl and If you ever feel as if I am leaving just look… Look really hard inside and I'm there with every heartbeat that beats for me coz only I will love you always to the fullest and that’s just the ugly truth...
No one will love you like I do”

…but it is what it is and the reality is little girls... please just fall in love with yourself first.

Thank You

Theresa.

x

Chapter 3 - Why?!

Previously - Chapter 2 - SAGITTARIUS

Why don't you love me?

I am beautiful, intelligent and sexy no?

I work my way to the top of your list so why can't it be so simple like... me never having to ask you to compromise with me

Why can’t it be simple like when I put on my boxing gloves to fight in a square thing they call a boxing ring for a round thing the call a wedding ring, I will soon take these gloves off for?

but what am I fighting for...?

Why can't you just be sorry for cutting deep into my feelings?

For injecting me with a beautiful deadly infection,

Why are you just the sweetest sin that not even God could ever save me?

Why are you my everything, my food, my water, my sleep...

A good kinda bad kinda in-between kinda nightmare?

The only thing I can’t live without?

Why are you my sun rise and my sun set that I want to capture with my eyes creating an amazing picture for others to see and envy?

Can you just be quiet for once and just welcome my emotions without a typical comment like "you’re a chick and I am a dude so what you expect"

I expect you to be who you were when I ran and smashed into you.

This isn't what I applied for...

A fix term contract seems to suit the situation we in… right 6 to 12 months?

Something… sweet, simple and short.

More realistic and doable I think, it fits the time line perfectly coz who you be seems to love me but who you are don't so the same question of why don't you love me comes up over and over again...

Why don’t you love me?

Why don’t... you love me?

Why

Don’t

You

Love

Me?

But then he raises a real interesting question...

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOU?!"

WHY DON’T I LOVE ME?! what do you mean?

He said: "yes why don't you love you?" 

----------------------------------------

Thank You

Theresa.

x

Chapter 2 - Sagittarius

Previously - Chapter 1 - THE INTRO!

This stranger, I called my man soon gave me the name "wifey" as he became a criminal with no excuse to trespass...bring mis -stress into my life.

I was so in love with a this Sagittarius

so strong,

so tall

and so manly.

A beast while I play beauty,

A beast.. that’s what I thought I like…

Something different I wanted an older man he was,

more mature I thought, more intelligent I imagined not a boy basically

A lion king protecting his kingdom.

A mighty great king ruling but not ruling me but ruling for me….

So I thought … so I wanted… so I imagined… so I smiled for about 6 months,

Great loving and affection I got where I lost my damn self but the valuable weak me was happy with falling in love hoping that he’d catch me and the fiery passion that’s forever lingered between us two was just… so sinful, was just so deadly.

Although it was nice never having to think of what to say when we speak,

where to go when we meet

it was just natural so naturally my walls came smashing down with no force.

It was written in the stars for us to meet my super sexy Sagittarius but a criminal must pay for my time that was wasted, committing multiple crimes of heartbreak and trespassing on my emotions and using my heart to play games...

This king, this criminal of mine for a short period of time knew my past so I have every right to believe that he was just taking the fucking piss on me...

And yes it did hurt, it did cut deep as I always had the question of "why don't you love me?"

Thank You
Theresa.
X

Chapter 1 - The Intro

Love is a dangerous game we play and sometime we lose ourselves trying to be something we not, impress so hard we fall apart instead worrying about who we be or who we are...

Who...

I be... An energetic, flirtatious force of nature

I believe that God created a great intelligent me!

Nothing quite like a woman continuously heartbroken so when he (whoever he be) this stranger I soon call MY man enters my life

I quickly make it clear that

I....

Want to be swept off my feet and cherished

Actually - I just want... my hot chocolate sweeten with honey please

But I will step on your toes the minute I feel I'm being smothered and controlled

So... just don't do it.

Who..

I am....mostly attracted to good looking, successful lovers who are capable of boosting my non-insignificant self-esteem and If you can’t keep up you'll lose...

Lose my interest as I quickly leave you behind in a cloud of dust, having traded you in for a more, pricier, showier model.

Bare in mind that if you have won the heart of an ARIES woman;

Just be prepared that

I can be...

Jealous

Competitive

And downright cruel!

But don't be scared baby coz on the flip side

I am capable of

complete loyalty,

complete honesty

and will completely demand

that you give me the same

But typically!... thinking logically!

My lover don't and then gets himself into a war with who I am and who I be

While I get my shiny suit on to battle on my own field knowing my lover won,t be able to save me so I just be the dark knight for who I am.

Lets just say I am losing this game and it not fun anymore.

Thank You
Theresa.
x